This is a game my girlfriend and I invented on our way back from holiday. It’s great fun and you should try it too.
To play the game you need to: eat a nasty hamburger and ride the Swiss speed train.
Rules: don’t puke until you’ve reached your destination and win!
1. Find a nasty fast food place. We found our culinary nemesis near the Geneva train station, where we had quite a long stop over, thus time to roam around. The place is called Holy Cow (I’d rename it to Holy Crap – at least it would stop being offensive to Indians) and wins at marketing. You can easily mistake it for good food, since they take pride into their Tripadvisor rating , have obscene prices and boast a fresh general look – funny cow logo, inspired naming for their burgers, fake green grass inside – everything aims to misplace customers’ attention from the quality and damage to their wallets. This makes for a great starting point for our game.
Suggestion: eat the Big Beef burger menu (that’s what I had) or the Veggie burger (that’s what she had). My burger tasted like wet socks with a hint of bacon. Her burger (I took a few bites, because I eat a lot, because I’m bigger) was mushy and uncooked and tasted like defrosted fruits. The bun was also cold, but luckily the chips were warm so it took away some of the sensation of eating out of a dumpster.
Since Holy Cow doesn’t even sell Coke (come on, Cow! I’m sure they even found Coke on the Moon, let alone in Switzerland), we had to choose between a Syrup that you mix with water (!?) or Ice Tea (their signature beer is not included in a menu that costs minimum 10 Euros). Wash down that burger delight with a post-atomic refresher and you’re almost good to go!
2. The challenge itself: as your stomach struggles to digest the little alien growing and already moving inside you, embark on a Swiss speed train and take a long ride (we recommend Geneva to Basel, great views, takes across all of Switzerland). If you’re a first timer, let me tell you quickly what to expect of. It’s like taking a two and a half hours long roller coaster ride. The train swirls and turns like an airplane when it’s landing as its taking killer curbs. This is how they train Swiss army pilots (the legend says Keep the hamburger inside was a ritual originally forced on rookies before turning into deadly dog fight experts). There’s no steady image you can focus on to shake off the sickness that engulfs you. Five seconds of city lights glittering through the window are followed by two seconds of darkness and then again lights appear above you and then beneath you and the train goes up and down and twists from one side to the other and if you close you’re eyes you feel like you’re in a giant washing machine or you’re way too drunk and the room is spinning with you but also going forward at high speed. The almost digested burger is now almost back in your mouth but the finish line is close so hang on tight!
Tips & tricks: walk up and down the isle in the train and go for a few breaths of fresh air whenever the beast halts in a station. Try to think of fresh pressed lemon juice. Write bad reviews for the place you ate in. Ignore the crazy Swiss guy behind you who’s farting like there’s no tomorrow.
Once you step safely on firm ground at your destination and haven’t puked on the way you’ve won! The hamburger has been kept inside! Glory to you!
a manole 